At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
