I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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