i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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