Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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