Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
