id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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