I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
