omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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