Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
