Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
