I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
