Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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