i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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