Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
