by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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