OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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