If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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