Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
