I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
