I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
