Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
