Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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