Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize