your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
