Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
