gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
