No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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