I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
