anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
