so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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