my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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