Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
