Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
