C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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