Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
