I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
did i just pee glitter
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
