she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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