all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
