Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
