don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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