Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
