Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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