My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
