looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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