took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
