Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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