can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
