Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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