Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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