So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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