You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
